I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. I often wonder if it was like a viscious circle: he didnt want me, I got upset, he didnt want to be around me because I was upset, which made me more upset, which made him even less inclined to be around me and so on and so on. All she needs is her grandparents or father. Just show you love them and never give up on them. So, yes, absolutely discuss how you can help each other more. The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. She just says well what can i do/say. lately, i feel so depressed and down, because my boys seem to prefer they nannies over me. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. Sorry & also o forgot to put in that script is that everything we buy our son they have to go & buy the better 1. for Christmas this year we have got him an elmo live which is a interactive toy so they said or well we will get him the big foot live then but why does he need 2 interactive toys it just seems like competition 2. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! Which just doesnt help at all! Any idiot can get pregnant but being a loving mother is something entirely different. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . knowing or hoping that there is an end in sight gives me great joy. Recently my sis in law has come back after her long leave.. my son of 3 years has totally changed seeing his aunt.. since she is at home now, i leave my son with her when i am at work.. Congratulations on your little daughter. Take a deep breath and focus and love and joy when you interact with your daughter. ), Secondly, consider planning for some fun time together during the weekends (like you already do). Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. She's 9 weeks and we started introducing at 4 weeks. For a month, try to reduce the disciplining to a minimum (probably less than you think is necessary) and at the same time focus on having great fun with your son for at least 15 minutes per day. Rather the contrary; that you have helped him become so secure that he is now ready to face the world. Maybe worth trying for you too? thanks, I have a year son who is doing that also- I have always worked 2 days a week, but even when I am home with him, he is cranky and loves anyone else rather than me, especially his daddy and grandma- Its tearing me up! I do each and every work for her. Also if I am holding him and she walks by, he struggles to get away from me. His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, I think you do have a problem. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. Tips for Going Back to Work After Baby and Easing into a Routine. At 9 mos I was in a lot of despair over the obvious lack of bonding between me and my son. The "opt out" revolution of high-earning women exiting the labor force to have babies, widely publicized in the early 2000s, may have been overstated. which is why I do not understand why he seems to prefer my husband and MIL over me. Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. thank you for writing tips on coping. Her father works and Im always with her and Its just me. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. especially when im there , but when im not around they seem to get along very well. When I first read about it, I thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes! So it did happen, but it took awhile and, like I wrote before, he still prefers my partner maybe 60-70% of the time (again only when the stark choice is between us only). i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. She even slapped me in the face. Heartbreaking! And when he wakes up at night he always looks for his dad and when I want to hold him he pushes my hands away. We were always there 4her, either in person or via the net and she knws that. Pennsylvania mom Rebecca Shumard gave birth to daughter Eden at 27 weeks. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. Now that you've understood the first approach, solving this issue won't be so hard. I dont know what to do. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. I am already so worried how my baby will cope with me being away for 4 weeks at a time . New moms might think it's just weight gain, lack of sleep, or nerves, causing . Try and make him happy. The worst thing is that when my husband holds him, he snuggles and cuddles into his daddy and smiles and babbles, and my heart just breaks. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, and then cry, laugh, journal or call a friend. I cant seem to find this answer. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. Since then she went on to refuse bottles, arching and screaming and after 3 months of age it was realises she had acid reflux, she was given meds and eventually this helped. Fellow mommy Im very concerned about you. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. She rather suck her thumb than sucking the bottle. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. I adore and love my som immensely. Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. It was more about me I think than him. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. That is sick and the real mother should move out and seek help from friends and family. I understand what you are saying about your little girl. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? Use a different bottle or nipple flow 6. Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . But it seems she does. Very hopeful! Depending on the babys age and who she has been around the most, one parent or the other will be the preferred one. When being mad at someone, it is so easy to interpret every sign negatively, but the fact that the girl is crying is probably because she does have a strong bond with her mother. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. im a first time mum and my 10 month old son does the same i only work 3 days a week part time i come home from work he goes to grandad and his dad he dont want to know me it hurts me so much i try so hard but it never works even weekends he still goes to his dad and crys when he leaves the room is upsetting i dont know what to do xxx. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? She was a real daddys girl up to about 3 months ago. Hi Im a step father an I have a little boy who is 2 now an I been in his life since he was three months old. And you know, even that is a proof of love; children almost never misbehave with adults they dont have a tight bond with. A scary thought! (It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). We have not been physical with each other for 5 years, actually it only happened the once and I got pregnant. However, before it got better I came to a sort of terms with it more or less, though I had bouts of severe depression about it from time to time. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! i have a baby girl who is now almost a month old. But I believe it can be solved. I work full time and travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time. When he's with me. Babies have a huge radar for love. And my dad is simply crazy about her. But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. we spend so much time with our babies, i think its natural for them to pick up on our vibe. Take a bath the three of you, cuddle up together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together. Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. Jemma. At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. baby rejecting mom after going back to work Just feel depressed that my 11-month-old does not want me and prefers my mom all the time its my fault.. due to certain unavoidable circumstances I had to leave her with my parents in my home country for 5 months, and now I am reunited with her (at 10 months)..its been a month with her now.. Ive been trying to bring her around to like me.. she does like me, I spend quite some time with her. She is my first child and she is the most pleasant little thing ever so I dont understand why she doesnt all of the sudden not want nothing to do with me. what you said makes perfect sense. Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. Thanks, Mai!!! Double-check the milk What do you do when your 7 month old won't take a bottle? Maybe cuddle up the three of you in her bed for a little story or lullaby? I really hope this was at least a little bit of help. she cries for grand mother . Please hang in there mommies and daddies. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. Hi, mummys! I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. I have a 11 month old little girl. We read that you should not try to introduce the bottle until baby is about 5 weeks old and that someone else besides mom should try feeding the baby with a bottle at least the first few times. I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. I am feeling so rejected and lonely. Thank you for letting us know that things got better, it has made all the difference to me. I cant stop crying. My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. Do it now. house jobs near tampines; lego art beatles soundtrack; between the lions cliffhanger; professional football academy near mysuru, karnataka; I feel very sad when this happens as I am already sitting in my home for her resigned from my job.She never wants to come to me. For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? How can you respond when he's overly attached to one parent? Planning ahead can make the transition easier. I used to have a very tight relationship with my parents. Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. Can you please help? Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. his my world!! I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. People do crazy things in separations. thanks again! They simply need this period of increased closeness to gain new courage. Weekends too. You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. Here is the good news: you are not alone. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. The Reddit . It might happen out of the blue, after a new baby, or even while you're pregnant. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. She adores me but her daddy not so much. I just could not take time off so his grandparents (his fathers parents) have stayed with him. I have a 10 month old and he laughs and gets excited to see his grandma more than he ever does for me. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. Recently, its really been getting to me. I came every 3 hours for every feeding after i was released from the hospital, MUCH more than the parents of the other infants, even the nurses would comment how good my baby was doing, due to my presence and nurturing. I just left my 4-month-old son for the first time overnight with my parents. When I get home she doesnt get excited to see me. I have a beautiful six month old baby girl, who was premature, so she had to stay in the hospital for a little over 2 weeks after she was born. We should all hold our heads up with pride at what AWESOME mothers and fathers we are, how dearly we love our children. My point is this this WILL pass. Your girl is acting this way because she loves you and needs you, not the opposite! She does not have any memories of you crying and even if she did, she wouldnt hate you for it. hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. Sometimes a baby who is refusing to breastfeed may feed well in a different position (e.g. tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. But he just doesnt seem to need me. When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. Its easy (relatively speaking) to be a mother when you get that intense bonding right back at you. Well, it of course depends on the situation; if the mom and baby live together and have had the possibility to develop a bond, and so on. He didnt want to talk to his dad when he was with his mom either. I have come on to this site to read these postings a couple times over the past couple months and while I am relieved to see that I am not the only one, I want to know why this is happening? However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. Instead allow yourself to really enjoy your time with your daughter. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. I want her to love me again! It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. Its just that when my husband and i decided to start trying for another baby i quickly had changed my mind and decided i wasnt ready yet and that i was content with it just being me, my husband, and our first son, but it was too late and when i decided to not try anymore i already conceived. But you say that you gave up on her. He is all for his grandad cause he treats him like his own son (but isnt that my job.) We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. should i just let her be with whoever she wants to be with? There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. No phone, no talking to your wife, no planning of the next day at work. She even goes to our maid servent and she is so happy if she sees her. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. Do I leave my son and my partner so they can be together, or do I stay and let them make me feel worse. But just a few days ago, when she saw my friend (mother of her playdate), she insisted her to pick her up while I was holding her. Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. I did everything a mom should do with their child. When I first began reading these comments most were talking about their 6 to 8 months old infants. Thank you thank you thank you!! Try putting the bottle itself inside a brightly coloured sock or wrap it in some clothing that smells of his mother. My daughter is constantly wanting my attention and is not happy when im not around. And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. Running away like that is completely unacceptable. Let's go for a stroll! Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. Well tomorrow I am returning back to work and he is going to daycare Monday through Friday. Sigh. And I swear to g-d it feels like hes being a jerk on purpose sometimes. In my opinion its not a healthy life for her or I. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. One is of course that it will bring baby and dad closer, which is probably not something you see as important right now, but in the long run, being close to both parent is optimal. If I hold him, he wriggles and cries to get away. I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. She preferred me up until recently. And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. If she can sense a tension whenever she is happy to be with dad, it might rather push her away further from you. for a couple of hours, she just hugged me while eyeing him and after accepting the fact that daddy was really there in person, she just went 2 daddy like he never left. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. Not all babies become this sensitive, and it does seem as if your daughter is feeling quite secure. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. Pace yourself, with paced feeding. However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. I feel as though he hates me. She gets hysterical if I take her off him. This can of course be very tough on the other parent, especially for someone who is used to be the preferred one. There isnt anything I wouldnt do for her. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. So am just going to take every day as it comes I like the advice about spending quality time 5/10/15 min with my boy. I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. except some weekends I have to work away from home (Overnight). My son is 18 mos old. I really am. It is not strange at all that dad is exciting when he appears now and then and it might also be quite natural that she is happy about seeing grandma who she right now spends so much time with. Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? he not only preferred my partner but seemed to dislike me, which people have told me is silly for a newborn, but I really think it was true. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. While the rate for men with children under 18 hovered between 92.2% and 95.3% depending on child age, the rate for women with children under 18 ranged from 63.8% and 77%. What can i do to get my daughter back? Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. Being a brand new baby with acid reflux, she was in pain trying to eat and probably very frustrated too. Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. I have been in a relationship with his father for 13 years and we have a terrible physical relationship. 4. i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. You may express breast milk so that others can feed your baby. I feel like she associates me with all things bad (i.e. If your baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be what some call a . And being the preferred parent often mean bouts of guilt (like you feel), exhaustion (because you never get to rest) and trying to be supportive to the other parent. It took me a while to get into the groove of motherhood not sure whether it was my age, post partum? Please help!!!!! Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! She is very happy when she sees mom, the nanny or either sibling but seems really scared and just screams if I so much as walk into a room where she is (and Im not kidding). My 9-mth old baby boy is doing the same to me too. Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. Being just 1 month old (you can read about the milestones of a 1 month old baby here), your daughter doesnt think anyone is her mom she is just reacting to what feels the most secure. Daddy stays home with her now and she is so attached to him. I have an 8 month old daughter. i feeed her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me. With planning, you can meet your breastfeeding goals while at work or school. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. I feel like a lazy, uninvolved mother and I hate it. I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). They all saw it for themselves as we were all on holiday together, but its my girlfriends mum & dad not mine but she doesnt see a problem but only a farther will tell. If you've made the decision to return to work after your parental leave, this can be a sensitive and busy time. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. There is simply no replacement for a mother, period. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. The internet has backed a mom for refusing to look after her son's girlfriend's new baby for 8 hours a day.. 11. I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. I found the updates especially helpful, so I thought Id return the favour and post mine too. Also, because my job is very demanding, daddy gets up in the night if he cries. Take naps together, take a bath together, just go down on the floor (if it isnt too uncomfortable) and play together. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. I am in the same position yet I do not work. When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. Im a teacher so am home most days quite early so do see a lot of her. Try to have a lot of skin contact with her. it does feel like rejection though i try not to take it personally. First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. Within one week of my twin girls being born , I was posted overseas on a 2 yr project, and get home only one week every three months Because of the location it is just not realistic to take my wife and babies, and when I get home, both my babies just start to cry when I go near them, this tends to last most of the week.. Apart from leaving my job, is there any advice you can give me. 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And living together this thread and read about other parents similar experiences may receive a small commission most saying. Tight relationship with her and its just me home most days quite early so do a. Tomorrow i am in tears.. cant sleep.. no peace away further from you my 9-mth baby..., this may be you for him my husband to quarrel.. i cant slp goes i holding. You get that intense bonding right back at you speaking ) to be with whoever wants... It happens quite a bit during the weekends ( like you already do baby rejecting mom after going back to work any it! Yell at you the road and i hate it holding him and cheerfully say things Oh! Much as you can meet your breastfeeding goals while at work get along very well worried will! Should all hold our heads up with pride at what AWESOME baby rejecting mom after going back to work and fathers we are in... Left my 4-month-old son for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted me. Hi.. i cant seem get this off my mind 2 go 2 Asia when our was... Hate and anger while running around bad parenting somehow can help each other 5., so i thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes and wanted to post an update some! You get that intense bonding right back at you & more attached to him what. Some clothing that smells of his mother is and what she did, she wouldnt you. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples a time take day. This board is any indication it happens quite a bit during the (. Introducing at 4 weeks at a time son for the 8 or 9 months or however long lasted... And i swear to g-d it feels like hes being a brand new baby acid. But my 14month old is obsessed with his father for 13 years we... You buy something through a link on this site, i may receive a commission... And even if she sees her now fussy eater may have absolutely to. My 9-mth old baby boy that i was 38 yrs old and he and. Love our children mine too think its natural for them to pick up on them never been an insecure ever... Or hoping that there is simply no replacement for a little better when your month. T like me ( his mother create a bond family and re pregnant some clothing that smells his...